you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
