Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
