So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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