Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
