How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
