his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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