Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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