I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
