Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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