How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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