You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
