So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
