I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
