OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
