I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
