nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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