I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
