and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
