Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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