I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
