someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The Olympian is in my bed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
