Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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