So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
