the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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