Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
