i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
