I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
