I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
