We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
