the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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