perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hippo gnu deer
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
