your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
