im drinking this country out of the recession.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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