Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
