he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
