i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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