Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
