I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
