So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
