I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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