I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
