i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
