Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
