the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
did i just pee glitter
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
