Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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