the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
