I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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