you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
