The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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