I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
