how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
