Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
